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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28577799">Empty Beds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iyliss/pseuds/Iyliss'>Iyliss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! GX</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(as in they are exes and that's mostly it), Board Games, Fluff (LOTS), Gen, Other, Platonic Slowburn, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, angst (some), cameo of mizuchi, character introspection (way too much), implied arospec saiou (but it doesnt do much), or a queerplatonic relationship, really it's vague, saiou and edo can be considered in a romantic relationship, some fubuki/ryou in the back, they/them pronouns for Saiou Takuma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:01:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28577799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iyliss/pseuds/Iyliss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryou ends up living with Saiou and Edo (mostly Saiou) for some time. Young adults dealing with complicated things through having passions, building bonds and letting out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edo Phoenix | Aster Phoenix &amp; Saiou Takuma | Sartorius, Marufuji Ryou | Zane Truesdale &amp; Edo Phoenix | Aster Phoenix, Marufuji Ryou | Zane Truesdale &amp; Saiou Takuma | Sartorius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. What normal to go back to.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The clinic’s corridors were so similar, Edo felt like he was going in circle. The doors looked the same, the walls didn’t change, and he even doubted the logic of the numbers written on each room. Going around in that place was especially tiring that Edo didn’t plan to be there that afternoon.<br/>He was expecting a nice day of rest, for the one day he had left before going back across the world. Making sure Saiou was alright for the coming week and tame as much as possible all the worries that came with leaving them behind for that whole time.<br/>Saiou hadn’t entirely recovered yet, and Edo couldn’t help but know somehow he wouldn’t know soon enough if anything happened.<br/>All this trouble in mind, he almost missed the right door. His frustration surely appeared through his actions as he entered the room, and the man inside greeted him with a clearly sarcastic :</p><p>« Nice to see you too, Edo. »</p><p>Edo looked at Ryo, sitting on his hospital bed. For a second, he considered letting him know how little he wanted to be there, but he calmed down.<br/>Ryo asked him for help. Now that he accepted, he had to do so with some kind of good will. Even more so that it wasn’t usual to receive a call from Ryo asking for something. Even if he didn’t tell him what exactly, Edo felt like it wasn’t a quick decision.</p><p>« Sorry », Edo tried to calm down, « what did you need me for ? »</p><p>« Long or short ? »</p><p>« Short. »</p><p>« I wanna stay at your place. »</p><p>Edo went silent for a few seconds. He tried to do the math on his own, but failed.</p><p>« Okay, long. »</p><p>He sat down on the chair nearby. Ryo turned to stay in front of him and grabbed some paper on the table near him.</p><p>« So, they checked everything, you know ? Heart, blood, whatever else. Apparently I am doing good enough and it’d be better if I could go back to live some kind of normal life, while still making sure I don’t put myself in danger. »</p><p>« And what ? Want me to lock you up in a room so you can’t do whatever reckless thing you probably have in mind right now ? »</p><p>« Never. Actually, the danger part isn’t the real problem. » He looked almost shy to confess it. « It’s the normal life. »</p><p>Ryo took a moment to breath in and figure out how to formulate it. He knew Edo would ask things. What about pro dueling, what about Asuka and Fubuki, what about your brother.<br/>Edo was never a part of Ryo’s « normal life » so why was he here ?<br/>Edo knew the answer already. Though they never talked about it, it appeared clearly over time that, while Ryo deeply cared about his past and what was left of it, he didn’t want to go back to it. For him, and for the people he couldn’t be the same toward.</p><p>He never really had such a thing as a normal life in the past two years. He left behind some things, and going back to it would be meaningless now. At the end of the day, Edo was the one that wasn’t part of his past.</p><p>« I guess the whole pro dueling part is screwed, » Edo finally said « but am I the only one you know you can live with ? Don’t you have a nice little brother who would love to take care of you ? »</p><p>Edo knew the answer to this one as well, but he simply just couldn’t say yes to what Ryo asked him, though he did know why now.<br/>It’s not that he didn’t want- he didn’t mind helping out, especially if no one else could- but there was still something beside helping Ryo or not. Edo’s will to help his friend stopped the moment it could be an issue for Saiou.<br/>He wanted to refuse even more that he knew Saiou wouldn’t. But it was still fair game that Ryo argued back.</p><p>« He wouldn’t hesitate to let met stay with him for some time, but I don’t want to. Actually, I haven’t really told him I was allowed to leave. I don’t really want to keep clinging onto his life. »</p><p>His tone was filled with resignation, and not devoid of a bit of sadness. It bothered Edo, truly. He could keep refusing, and Ryo couldn’t do much about it. It just didn’t feel right to him. He still wanted to help.<br/>They did support each other in the past, shared worries and concerns, and he couldn’t deny that he was probably among the people he trusted the most. It was even harder to refuse when he went all this way to directly ask him for help, something neither of them ever did.<br/>There always had been this kind of pride between each other, a rule to still act tough and push each other around. The honesty was a clear sign that he thought about it.</p><p>It’s not like he pitied him either, he didn’t want to let a trusted friend down. But, sure, they were friends, but it wasn’t the same friendship than with Saiou. He didn’t want to bother them and, even more, it felt like he couldn’t treat it the same.</p><p>Eventually, Ryo took back his composure and picked a bit of a smirk.</p><p>«  You know it’s not gonna be for long either. Being you and your sweet partner’s roommate is not really part of my long-term life plans. »</p><p>« It’s not like... » Edo automatically said back, before processing Ryo’s entire answer, « hey, how do you know Saiou lives with me ? »</p><p>Ryo’s smile widened, almost teasing.</p><p>« I don’t know, maybe because you’ve been talking about them enough that I feel like I know them personally ? Because you seem to be unable to spend an afternoon without calling them ? Or maybe because last time we hanged out together you stopped in the middle of our duel because you apparently had a brilliant idea of what to do for dinner that they’d love ? You’re not such a private person, Edo. »</p><p>He almost blushed. He wouldn’t have mind having someone know he cared about Saiou, but Ryo’s tone was way too bothered. He kind of felt bad. But at least he wouldn’t have to explain too much.</p><p>« So you know that letting you in my place is not that easy. You know very well I won’t be there much in the coming weeks, and I really don’t like the idea of Saiou having to deal with you while I’m away. »</p><p>« I didn’t know you saw me as such a bother. »<br/>Ryo’s tone was cold. He was maybe a bit hurt, and Edo realized he had few ways of getting out of this conversation so easily.</p><p>He did trust Ryo, for all he could be, he knew what line not to cross with Edo and wasn’t a bad person. Surely, having someone living with Saiou wouldn’t be such a bad idea, and Ryo was probably one of the least terrible option. But…</p><p>« It’s not that you bother me. But Saiou is still recovering too and... »</p><p>« God, are you talking about a human or a kitten ? If your only problem is whether or not they’d want to have me around, just ask them . »</p><p>Edo wanted to answer that it wasn’t so simple but… it should be. He knew deep down that he wasn’t so comfortable asking Saiou directly. He was well too aware that they wouldn’t answer sincerely if they felt like it bothered anyone. And, for all Edo hated to think that, he didn’t trust the decision Saiou would take for their own good.<br/>But it wasn’t how it should be, right ? Edo wished it could be easier, that he didn’t have to make or ask for decisions. They both had too, though, they had to make decision for themselves. So Edo sighed, and accepted to call Saiou and directly ask them.</p><p> </p><p>The first call was left unanswered, and Edo had to try a second time. Finally, he heard Saiou’s voice.</p><p>« Sorry, I didn't understand how to accept the call. Actually, I am not exactly sure what I did but it seemed to have worked. Is there anything you need ? »</p><p>It was enough to make Edo chuckle. Visualizing Saiou trying to make sense of his ringing phone filled him with affection, and he now missed them while he only left a few hours ago.</p><p>He explained, however he could, the situation. What Ryo was asking of him, that he didn’t mind but wanted to be sure that Saiou agreed, since it meant they would spend the next times living with someone while Edo wasn’t much available. Their answer wasn’t much of a surprise.</p><p>« Well, if it is something you want, I am fine with it. »</p><p>Edo sighed, and tried to find the best word to explain his concerns. He was scared of insisting like this, but he couldn’t even try to judge of Saiou sincerity by looking at them. He needed to be sure.</p><p>« Saiou… Are you sure ? You never met him and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable living with him, especially right now. Come on... »<br/>He stopped the moment he realized his voice was sounding way to pleading. He had to be responsible, mature.</p><p>Saiou didn’t answer right away. Edo wondered if they were hesitating, or looking for words like him.</p><p>« I know but, see…For the coming times, I sincerely fear staying alone as much as living with someone else. From what I know of Ryo, he’s a trusted friend of yours, I think it will be fine. »</p><p>Edo barely answered, suddenly thinking of how stupid it had been of him to accept so much work right when they needed him so much, and it was enough for Saiou to understand what he was thinking.</p><p>« Please don’t worry about me, I will be fine... »</p><p>« It isn’t what I want to hear. » He sighed, « I want you to assure me that if you are not fine, you will tell me. »</p><p>Despite the casual sounds of the clinic, Edo only heard his own thought and what he could feel of Saiou’s own thinking. Would they ever escape this maze of worrying ? He realized that if there was one thing Ryo would help on, it was make sure Saiou was okay. Truly okay. But he didn’t like the idea of spying on Saiou’s mental health. He would rather trust them,</p><p>« I will. » Saiou finally answered, « I promise. »</p><p>« Thank you… Now, tell me again if you want me to bring Ryo back with me ? So you can at least meet him. I’ll stop asking then. »</p><p>« Yes. And I will tell you how I feel about him. »</p><p>Edo knew they only added that to convince him, but he didn’t mind. It was now up to him to believe in Saiou’s words.</p><p>This was one thing that surely changed after all. Years ago, Edo wouldn’t have doubt anything Saiou could say. Now, he couldn’t help but look for signs beyond their speech.<br/>He was terrified of realizing way too late that there was something wrong, and he didn’t picked up the signs.<br/>Every time Saiou said they were fine, Edo couldn’t help but notice all the little things that could indicate otherwise. He justified those thoughts as simply caring a lot for someone he loved, but by now it clearly wasn’t such a good thing. He needed to keep some trust in them.</p><p> </p><p>Now, he had his answer, and he brought it back to Ryo. Edo was disappointed to see he wasn’t particularly excited, yet he claimed in the car that he really wondered how Saiou was with all that Edo said about them. Edo too, wondered how Saiou, and Ryo too, would be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am not very good at finding names, this is a Cavetown song.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Adding Components.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saiou tried to sound confident on the phone – they absolutely were not. In the short travel time between here and the clinic, they had to prepare to meet someone new, and appear as friendly as possible.</p><p>They first looked for another time they had to do such a thing, but the more they searched, the more terrifying it became. They surely had met many people in their life, but never… like that.</p><p>Sat on a chair, they attempted to understand exactly what made this situation different. At the end, they realized it was all so simple : they had to appear friendly.</p><p>They knew how to give more or less good impressions on people, but all of them were based on a certain form of distance. They had no idea how to interact with someone entirely new in a casual and familiar way. They were sure they shouldn’t even try to act naturally, talking with anyone but Edo or Mizuchi in their own way never led to any good. They couldn’t rely on politeness too much either. What if they ended up sounding out of place, disrespectful, scary ?</p><p>Before they could finish repeating the same thoughts for the sixth or seventh time, Edo was knocking on the door.</p><p>There was a doorbell, but they both considered it sounded way too aggressive.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>As they opened the door, Saiou hoped either Edo or his friend would start talking first. They didn’t, and a few seconds were left in silence, just enough for them to feel the anxiety rushing through them. It was even harder that, right about their height, was the cold gaze of someone they had never met in person.</p><p>« You’re okay ? Nothing happened while I was away ? » Edo’s voice saved them. Maybe it would be fine enough to stay natural with him.</p><p>« Yes, don’t worry, it felt like no time. »</p><p>The other coughed a little. Saiou recognized that sound as the one used to notify that someone required attention. They looked up again.</p><p>« Oh, excuse me. » professional tone, better than nothing, « My name is Sa- »</p><p>« I know. »</p><p>He sounded bothered, and a bit amused ? Saiou wasn’t sure how to answer at all. They let the two enter, and closed the door, keeping their eyes on Edo as a trustworthy point to rely on. Soon enough, Edo looked angrily at him.</p><p>« If that’s how you’re feeling, I’m bringing you back » he turned to Saiou, apologizing with one look.</p><p>« Hey, it’s your fault ! You talk about them so much I would have recognized them without ever seeing a picture ! »</p><p>Saiou tried their best to hide their confusion, to no good. They weren’t sure what was more troubling, that this answer wasn’t even out of displeasure, or the knowledge that Edo was talking about them to other people.</p><p>Thankfully, neither of them were looking at them and Edo didn’t seem as confident to hear his friend say that. He brushed it off.</p><p>« Anyway. Here is Ryo. Or Kaiser, or Hell Kaiser or… Do you have any other nicknames ? »</p><p>Seeing Edo so clearly teasing someone felt strange, yet it made Saiou happy to see. Especially since Ryo didn’t seem to take it badly. It was the first time they saw Edo with a friend of his, and it was incredibly relieving. They faintly smiled.</p><p>« Just call me whatever you want, I don’t care. »</p><p>Ryo went in the living room and abruptly sat on a chair. Saiou wasn’t sure how to take his familiarity in their house. It sure would help to skip a few step of inviting someone, but they weren’t so used to it.</p><p>Edo was done putting away his and Ryo's coat and shoes and joined them. When he arrived next to Saiou, he gently grabbed their arm to bring them to the sofa and mindlessly looked up his phone.</p><p>« God it’s that late ? » and it sure was, the evening was well engaged.</p><p>Time to dig up something to eat.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The dinner went as smoothly as it could have. Ryo, after a few minute of complaining about the hospital food he had to deal with for the last months, enjoyed his meal enough that he didn’t bother maintaining any discussion with Saiou. Edo specified it was strange of him to enjoy eating so much, and he answered it was a matter of context. Tomorrow he’ll still want to eat just as much as he used to – which meant barely nothing.</p><p>Saiou was rather pleased to know that. While they loved seeing Edo’s appreciation of certain dishes, they would rather deal with someone who had not much interest in food.</p><p>After that, it was mostly just Edo and Saiou talking together. They didn’t try to include Ryo either, and he didn’t seem to mind, so Saiou put away the awkwardness of spending an evening with a near stranger away and enjoyed seeing Edo before he left.</p><p>By the time they were done, it was even later. Not so late for the usual rhythm of anyone present in the house, but with Edo’s plane leaving early in the next morning, Saiou insisted he went to sleep soon. While he checked he had everything ready, they showed Ryo where he would sleep.</p><p>« Ah... »They stopped right before opening the secondary bedroom’s door, « The bed sheets haven’t been changed in a long time. »</p><p>« I don’t really care you know, » Ryo entered after him, « I’ve seen worst. »</p><p>Soon enough he coughed, and bits of dust jumped on the nearby shelf. He went to sit on the bed and looked at the graying mattress. Saiou opened the window, letting the cold night air breach in.</p><p>« How long exactly? »</p><p>« I would guess... »they counted each event that led to this room being unoccupied. « Two years ? Surely some more, I don’t remember the exact period. »</p><p>Saiou went to take some sheets from the closet, thankfully a pillow had been locked there as well and was decently clean. Ryo lied down, and took notice of how his feet reached by far the end of the bed.</p><p>« Isn’t it a bit… small ? »</p><p>« Oh it probably is. I grew up quite a bit since the last time I used it. »</p><p>« So you used to sleep there ? »</p><p>« Yes. Is it a surprise ? »</p><p>He stood up to take off as much dust as he could before Saiou brought the sheet, and shrugged off his answer. He now was looking around the room, at the shelves, the one closet and the small table by the bed. There wasn’t much, just a few books, some sheets, a lamp.</p><p>Saiou never really spent much time here anyway.</p><p>« So this is your childhood bedroom uh... »</p><p>That wording felt strange for Saiou. Not considering this place their own bedroom, nor the time they spent there a childhood, they didn’t quite understand the meaning that they knew Ryo put behind that wording. They did spend many years here, but the very room didn’t hold anything special.</p><p>They much preferred Edo’s own bedroom. They could remember the time they spent snuggling when the storms were too strong, telling Edo words and stories when the nightmares prevented him from sleeping, or letting him know he wasn’t alone.</p><p>Though they convinced themselves that was only to help Edo out, those were the most peaceful nights they could recall in their life.</p><p>When Saiou came back here for the first time, it appeared to them rather quickly that sleeping would be hard. Edo noticed as well, both for himself and them. Just like a ritual, he offered them to sleep together again. Even now, when Edo wasn’t home for days, they still felt safe in that room, as if the warm memories were protecting them.</p><p>« You could say that... » they answered.</p><p>They didn’t want the silence to grow awkward. Neither of them talked much as they set up the bed, for the little time it took. Good nights and closed door later, Saiou wondered how it even went so easily.</p><p>This whole evening wasn’t exactly the most comfortable hours of their life, and they were definitely exhausted of having a new person around, but that was about it. Which was pretty good for a new situation. Talking with Ryo wasn’t quite easy, but it was doable and without too much energy.</p><p>Yes, they were a little bit confident.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They went back to their own room to find Edo reading in the bed. They sat next to him and they exchanged some questions. Wasn’t he too tired, did it went well with Ryo, was everything prepared, how did they feel.</p><p>By the time they were done, Saiou had entirely fell on the bed, perpendicular to Edo, who was sitting and lovingly looking at them. Going back up to prepare would be even harder now.</p><p>They finally managed to rise up and prepare for sleeping. As they brushed their hair, they noticed Edo hadn’t gone back to reading but rather was pensively looking at them. They gave him back their gaze, and he returned to reality.</p><p>« You’re sure you will be fine ? »</p><p>«Not entirely, »their task done, they went to the bed, « but I am hopeful. »</p><p>Edo’s legs had warmed the inside, and Saiou realized he was starting to feel a bit cold. And tired. They didn't even try to sit or do something. They lied down next to him, already sleepy from the sudden warmth and comfort.</p><p>« Maybe I should tell you goodbye right now,” he said jokingly, he could easily tell Saiou would be asleep in a matter of minutes.</p><p>Edo had definitely put back his book and was surely thinking about many things ahead.</p><p>« I would rather have you wake me up tomorrow morning. »</p><p>« Will it be enough sleep ? » It was hard for him to contain his affection-filled smile.</p><p>« If it isn’t, I will sleep more tomorrow. »</p><p>He agreed, and entirely put himself under the blanket. They exchanged the same words and gesture they had every evening for a few months now, yet it felt just like new.</p><p>When the light was turned off, Saiou thought they didn’t really want to fall asleep right away. They wished to enjoy the feeling of Edo’s closeness for some time.</p><p>It was hopeless though, their whole body and mind couldn’t ignore such an opportunity for a safe and worry-less sleep, and took it wholly. They were asleep sooner than ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>When I'm in my bed I want to process my worries, think of happy things, and sleep. It's hard to decide.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Nothing happened then.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first day Ryo spent at Edo’s place, he decided he would do nothing at all. When the polite and lawful boy he used to be turned into Hell Kaiser, one of the first thing he dropped was sleep schedule. Wasn’t such a hard change, considering underground duels could happen at any time, and most of it at night. Then, with nurses and his brother around, he tried to fix this a little. Just to prevent any worrying.</p><p>Now ? Spending the whole morning and a bit of the afternoon not leaving his bed tasted like freedom. It wasn’t even particularly fun, but it was a simple and petty revenge on the past few months. Not that they were exceptionally painful either…</p><p> </p><p>When he eventually got up and left his bedroom, Saiou clearly had been out and occupied for much longer. He considered whether or not he should engage in small talk, but judged that they both would much rather be on their own.</p><p>As the day followed, he appreciated his decision as his host clearly wasn’t so much at ease whenever they exchanged a few words.</p><p>He kept any exchange quick and effective. It wasn’t all that easy, as he often struggled to understand what they meant. At times, it felt like talking different languages.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to act awful either, and still helped for such things as dinner or cleaning. But, overall, he quite liked not having to force any interaction. It was the closest to alone time he had in long.</p><p>By the end of the day, he had accomplished exactly nothing, and hadn’t produce any kind of constructive thought. It was a boring day, but he was fine with that for once. Tomorrow, he’ll try looking for some sort of occupation.</p><p> </p><p>He woke up earlier the next day, and got up soon after. As the morning was on it’s end, he entered the kitchen to find Saiou reading and drinking what he quickly recognized as tea. Too bad. He looked around, on the counter and shelves, but could not find any coffee.</p><p>Out of options, he turned to them.</p><p>« Do you have some coffee somewhere ? »</p><p>« I don’t think so... »</p><p>They got up to look at some place as well, but clearly, they knew the outcome.</p><p>« Sorry, neither Edo nor I quite like it. »</p><p> </p><p>It’s not that he loved the taste of coffee, but it became a tradition in his morning routine, from before his heart failed him. Thinking of it, it may not be unrelated.</p><p>He had survived all of Academia's tests thanks to it, spending the night studying, especially after Fubuki wasn’t there to keep him awake until godly hours. He wondered why he even bothered studying. He really used to be stuck up on rules, didn’t he. Though it surely wasn’t a reasonable thing to do, he now craved some good old coffee.</p><p>« It’s fine » he resigned, « I’ll buy what I need next time. »</p><p> </p><p>Saiou went back to the table, clearly disappointed they couldn’t fulfill Ryo's request.</p><p>« I made tea though. Would you like some ? »</p><p>He agreed and sat down as they picked another cup and served him. Ryo never really liked tea, the smell was too strong, the flavor too bland, and the effect too low. As he drank, he wondered if among all the thing Edo had praised in his partner, tea was one of them. It probably was. It definitively was. Now he had to give a reason to sigh whenever Edo would do so.</p><p>However, the drink was quite good. Though he wasn’t the kind to enjoy subtle flavor, he didn’t even forced himself to finish his drink. He notified Saiou, and noticed they seemed glad to hear it. Surprising, Ryo hadn’t been able to really tell their emotion from their expression so far.</p><p>He wondered when was the last time he drank tea, and remembered.</p><p>« It’s really much better than what we had in Blue Dorm. »</p><p>« Oh… thank you. » they answered hesitantly. It clearly was more that they weren’t used to being praised than anything else. « If I remember correctly, it is quite good given the situation. I assume it is harder to achieve more precise taste in a school, as they have to do large batch at a time everyday. »</p><p>« Yeah I guess... »</p><p> </p><p>Ryo didn’t really care so much, he had only tried once or twice and never went back. If Saiou had spent more than 3 days at Academia they surely knew more about their tea than he did... which Ryo thought about again.</p><p>« Wait, how do you know what the Blue dorm’s tea taste like ? »</p><p>« I have stayed there… Not for very long though. »</p><p>Saiou clearly seemed bothered to admit it, but Ryo didn’t even notice. He was fully invested in calculating when they could have been there that he didn’t remember. It couldn’t be before he entered Academia. At the time, he would have surely noticed them. After ? But weren’t they Edo’s manager during that year after he graduated ? They surely were when Edo defeated him. So, it was after that.</p><p>He tried to recall those time where he really wasn’t as invested in his past high school. He didn’t notice the anguish growing on Saiou’s face, subtle but present. Then it clicked.</p><p> </p><p>« You’re that person who brainwashed most of the school ! »</p><p>Back then, he had noticed the strange outfit Asuka was wearing and later tried to look up why she did. Not finding any info, he gave up.</p><p>Later on, when he started talking with Fubuki again (and with all the awkwardness it brought) he told him roughly what happened back then. Now that he put it all together, he remembered that he did call ‘Saiou’ the person behind it all.</p><p>Ryo never made the link with the Saiou Edo would talk about. The descriptions were so different, and the emotions behind at such extremes, he just hadn’t connected the dots. And, in all honesty, he may not have perfectly listened to Fubuki nor Edo the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>Now he fully looked at Saiou’s desperate look, and felt kind of bad. He wasn’t even specifically interested in knowing what happened. Clearly they didn’t want to tell either. It wasn’t a fun topic. But was he even supposed to know that ?</p><p>He still try to make up for it, and hope they don’t tell Edo.</p><p>« Hey it’s fine you know, we all make mistake. » It sounded as fake as expected. « While you were doing that, I forced my brother to face me in a potentially deathly duel. So really, we’re both on some level. »</p><p>He tried to sound casual, and realized it was exactly why it felt fake. But it was the best he could offer. He just wasn’t made to comfort people.</p><p> </p><p>However he genuinely didn’t mind. He spent his latest life surrounded by people doing all kind of terrible things for all kind of different reasons, most of the time without success, and quite often without any control of it. What would he even mind them for ?</p><p>Fubuki surely didn’t like them judging by what he told him, but he didn’t seem that broken by those events either. From what he remembered of his last discussion with Asuka, the whole cult part didn’t leave much trace on her, and Shou hadn’t even talked to him about it. Everyone was much more shaken up by the events of the following year.</p><p>Ryou would have thought of that year as another silly Fubuki complain if it wasn’t for the glimpse of deep terror and pain he had caught in Saiou’s look just now.</p><p> </p><p>At most, he was now a little curious to know about this, more than what his ex and old friend’s probably biased and incomplete telling could paint in his mind.</p><p>Thinking about it, Edo hadn’t even talked all that much about that year either. He assumed it was to avoid referring to their first duel, but thinking about how he had brushed off the hardships in the other dimension, he wondered if he too had been changed by whatever happened in Duel Academy back then.</p><p>Maybe he’ll have to ask him first, just to prevent Saiou from completely breaking down and Edo from yelling at him afterward.</p><p> </p><p>He just changed topic in the most elegant way he could, which was honestly passable. He went back to his tea and asked when they’ll go buy groceries, so he could join and get his coffee. He complained a bit about having to either get pre-prepared coffee powder or buy equipment. And Saiou was back at being polite and calm.</p><p>Ryou internally thanked them for that distance. For all he appreciated them so far, he surely would rather not deal with a new person's trauma – except this time he knew them for less than 3 days.</p><p> </p><p>When they were done with drinking tea and talking, Saiou went to whatever they had to do in the house. Ryou decided to look around a bit, taking the excuse of wanting to find some activity for the next few days. Really, he just enjoyed sneaking around and try to guess things about Edo from what he had in front of him.</p><p>He kept on until the lunch, then dinner, taking mental note like a detective on a crime scene. It was an occupation like any other.</p><p>The seemingly neat apartment was actually quite complicated to fully explore. There were bookshelves everywhere, in every room, objects in any place he could see and most of the time he wasn’t even sure what they were.</p><p>It was quite mysterious for Ryou at first, but the more he thought, the more it felt logical that Edo would be so unable to throw away anything.</p><p> </p><p>As they were eating, he even bothered to ask if he was allowed to look around and open things. Saiou agreed, almost confused by the question. Ryou then knew that if he were to find something he wasn’t supposed to, it wouldn’t be his fault.</p><p> </p><p>So, he dedicated the following day to investigate even more. When his curiosity was finally satisfied, the afternoon was reaching it’s end, and he made a synthesis. Sat on the small balcony, where there even were some old magazine, he recalled everything he noticed.</p><p> </p><p>One thing that he didn’t catch right away was the sheer lack of mirror. He didn’t exceptionally liked seeing himself in every side, but after some time walking around he noticed he just hadn’t seen his own face since he put foot in this house.</p><p>He went through every room checking, but the only one who could offer a reflection was the bathroom. It was even stranger that the walls, overall not devoid of their own share of shelf, plants, or decorations, sometimes were empty of a space that would very well be where a mirror used to be.</p><p>It wouldn’t be so important if he just could come up with an explanation. He considered directly asking, to Saiou right away or Edo when he came back. He gave up the idea when, at some point during that day, as he wanted to explore the bathroom for good, he saw Saiou in there and how clearly they avoided looking up at the mirror.</p><p>It convinced him that, whatever mystery it was, it surely was too heavy for him to enjoy knowing. He dropped it off.</p><p> </p><p>In other things very much lacking, he noticed there wasn’t many pictures of Edo nor Saiou around the place. Nor of anyone else. He assumed he’d see at least a little bit, considering the sheer number of things there were placed here and there, but there only was three pictures displayed.</p><p>All three of them well protected and put on a shelf in a corner, as if not meant to be looked at. A middle aged man who looked enough like Edo that Ryou guessed was his father, and two picture from apparently the same championship. In one, a much younger Edo was posing with a trophy, in the next he was holding a just as young Saiou to be visible.</p><p>They were quite cute, but still, strangely scarce considering how much old stuff was everywhere. He enjoyed looking at the last two though, for all small they were. He amused himself of how little had Edo changed in this whole time. He probably could pass for a middleschooler both then and now.</p><p>He made a mental note to tell him when he came back. Just to enjoy his reaction.</p><p> </p><p>Overall, beside these two missing objects, nothing really stood out. Most of the elements actually made sense, and if it had been a little more organized or with an actual library, the whole place would feel quite neat. There was some art supplies, some box with old documents, written paper and other things Ryou didn’t bother going through, some useless decorative things, some video games and consoles that Ryou was amazed to realize they weren’t the same, and boxes of games and books. Lots, lots of books. Most of them actually felt quite used, as it it didn’t belong to them originally.</p><p>It was pretty much always fiction, an obviously good amount of comics (some of them Ryou recognized from Edo’s conversation), graphic novels, some stuff he didn’t recognized and more classic novels. It was clear from the collection that Edo and Saiou shared similar literature tastes, as everything could be put down in the same genres.</p><p>Horror, mystery, fantastic, sometimes a bit of fantasy, most of them quite old. Finding something published in the last few years was rare, and pretty much always by the same authors.</p><p>If he ever got back into reading, Ryou though he would have little trouble finding something he would enjoy. Especially since he didn’t doubt that all of them had been red at least once. He was certain that at least one of his brand new roommates would be all excited to give an extensive review.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t quite feel like reading tonight, but he did feel like engaging some discussion with Saiou. As he came back inside to the dinner being prepared, he went to the kitchen.</p><p>« You guys have lots of book » he started, « where did you get that ? »</p><p>Saiou threw away some things and turned to him. The few seconds where they looked at each other, Ryou felt a bit awkward.</p><p>« Most of them belonged to Edo’s father, and he bought some more when he truly was interested. »</p><p>« None of them are yours ? » Ryou asked, while putting up the table. He remembered where the plates and cutlery were. He wasn’t quite used to do such a thing, but he did tell Edo he would help.</p><p>« I don’t think so... » they answered thoughtfully. « I quite enjoy reading, but I never felt restricted by the available choice. I may search for new things, once I am done. »</p><p>Ryou let out a conclusive « I see » and the dinner proceeded calmly.</p><p> </p><p>He let his though wander, knowing he had nothing new to enjoy about this new place. He counted how much time til Edo came back, that would bring some fun. From what he knew, he was gone for five days, so would probably be back in around three.</p><p>Actually, he didn’t even believe having Edo around would be more fun, but at least it meant he didn’t have to plan for after this.</p><p>He asked for news about Edo to Saiou, and when he’d be back. They said what he already knew.</p><p>« Do you have anything scheduled until then? » they added.</p><p>« Not really. »</p><p>« Is there anything you would want to do ? »</p><p>The repetitivity of the question could hardly hide their intention, and Ryou wasn’t sure why Saiou suddenly wanted to talk. But even more so, he wasn’t sure what they wanted to do.</p><p>He realized he never had any choice in his activities for a long time. He had to spend months with his brother, surrounded by nurses and doctors, not doing much but occupying his day and reaching out for the people he had pushed away, as much as he could.</p><p>Before that, he spent some time in another world. Before that, it was mostly duels and duels. And before ? He was in high school, working everyday to be the best though he didn’t need to so much.</p><p>Before that, it was just the same and for as long as he could remember.</p><p>After this moment of introspection, he came to the conclusion that he just didn’t know anything he’d want to do. Right now, dueling wasn’t something he’d enjoy doing in a light-hearted way. Put it simply, he didn’t have any kind of hobby.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not having anything to do is nice, right?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chess, and more</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saiou was decently proud of how calm they had been able to remain in front of Ryo so far. It only helped that he didn’t interact so much, leaving time for them to adjust to his pattern and way of living. Now, they felt safe enough around him to try to engage a little more.<br/>They were genuinely curious of what Ryo could want to do. The only everydays they knew was theirs, Edo’s and Mizuchi’s, and for all three of them filling their free time was quite easy considering the amount of things they found interest in.</p>
<p>When they came back home, the first days were mostly dedicated to adjusting to the place and circumstances. It went more or less softly, more or less painfully.<br/>Though the isolation was terrifying, Saiou was glad to see Edo leave for longer period of time. For all they knew they shouldn’t, they couldn’t help but keep away from his eyes the times where they were hurting the most.<br/>There had been many, and still were, but they learned to somehow overcome them with all kinds of occupation. Most of the time, it was reading.</p>
<p>Being able to spend a couple of hours just doing something they enjoyed hadn’t been so easy. They had to fight the old habit of trying to tell the future in whatever way they had available whenever they had some free time.<br/>Even if it was useless, that’s what they did for years. While the activity itself wasn’t the peak of amusement, it brought a momentary peace of mind for how usual it was. Without any actual work to do - they only helped Edo when he was around - they found themselves having to find their own occupations.</p>
<p>It was one of the hardest part actually, accepting that spending an afternoon just reading was fine. It was a new thing. Every time they recalled having fun, it was while pretending it wasn’t for their own enjoyment. Even now, they often felt like they shouldn’t be wasting time on such things. There surely was something useful to do, something important, they didn’t deserve to rest while they surely could do something for…<br/>And every time it stopped there, because there was nothing to do anything for. They didn’t have to survive, nor prepare for the looming threat of some world end, nor face their own terrible actions.<br/>They just had to live, and didn’t know how without danger, while a whole part of themselves told them they didn’t deserve the peace. Many times, they felt like they just weren’t made for such a life.<br/>The way out of these thoughts had mostly been forcing themselves to do something, anything. At that point, their enjoyment of certain activities had been priceless.<br/>They loved reading, writing, and some other things enough that they could ignore the thoughts most of the time. At least until Edo would come back, and they could spend time together.</p>
<p>Edo too had his passions. Reading as well, watching movies, playing video games. Saiou was worried to see he didn’t spend that much time on it, and would rather take care of them or simply work.<br/>He clearly used work as his own way to force a schedule and ignore the changes. They thought many times they should talk to him about how it wasn’t ideal. But then, it would be quite hypocritical coming from them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seeing the quite specific relationship Edo and them had with their occupations, Saiou wondered how it would be for someone else. They were surprised when Ryo answered there just wasn’t anything he wanted to do.</p>
<p>« Why, you want to spend time together ? » He added, « I have no idea what to do right now so I don’t mind. »</p>
<p>« I didn’t think of anything to do with the two of us, but I can always try to find. »</p>
<p>« As long as it’s not dueling. » Ryo answered with a smirk, « Everything’s fine. »</p>
<p>This was a strange restriction, Saiou assumed he did like duels.</p>
<p>« May I know why ? »</p>
<p>« Nothing dramatic I guess. It just doesn't feel fun on a table and all. And I don’t feel like getting a duel disk anytime soon either. »</p>
<p>Saiou didn’t insist. They hadn’t dueled in a long time, and without stakes in even longer. They were quite curious to try without any power. They knew that duels surely were more fun when you couldn’t tell their twists. But they never found the time to ask Edo.<br/>Ryo went to the shelf filled with board games. He clearly didn’t know any of them, yet Saiou was pleased to see him have some kind of interest.</p>
<p>«Let me know if anything interest you, » they said while joining him, « I believe most of them are complete. »</p>
<p>The boxes, covered in dust, hadn’t been opened by anyone in years. They pretty much all belonged to Edo’s father, the few others being random founds by Edo. They had played with all of them many times over their childhood, sometimes while Mizuchi was over.</p>
<p>« Yeah I really don’t know any of that stuff » Ryo concluded after inspecting the games, « feels like Yellows all over again. »</p>
<p>« What do you mean? » Saiou assumed he was referring to the dorm, but wasn’t sure why.</p>
<p>« There always were a big group of nerds in there who spent all their time on these kind of games. I didn’t really looked, but everyone in the blue dorm said it was lame and ridiculous and they were wasting their time. Except Fubuki, I think he tried once and had fun. » He let go of the memories and returned to Saiou. « Don’t you have anything more classic ? »</p>
<p>« There’s probably a chess board somewhere… »</p>
<p>Saiou went to search in another place, where the even older things were kept. They were sure they had learned to play chess in this house, and Edo and them had a few games before turning back to more varied experiences. The board and pieces were still there, and they brought them back.<br/>Ryo told him how he used to play as a young child, and at other occasions at school. It was one of those things that amazed adults, and he wasn’t quite sure if he truly enjoyed playing or just pretended in order to please them. Well, at least now he’d know.</p>
<p>They prepared the board, and Saiou admitted they didn’t remember all the rules. After a few turns of bringing the memories back, they could actually play against each other.<br/>While Saiou enjoyed chess, they remembered how they really weren’t the best at it. They liked the challenge, and were aware that they knew little enough about common strategies to enjoy finding their own. It was also quite pleasing, sensory-wise. The complete silence, broken by the sound of the pieces on the wooden board in a slow rhythm, made a nice atmosphere.<br/>But clearly Ryo was better at this than them, even past the learning. Saiou was so often unable to plan anything in the long term, nor try and tell what could Ryo’s moves lead to. They remembered, even when they were kids, that it was one of the reason Edo and them abandoned the game. It only helped that Mizuchi was much better at them both the one time she was around to try. Surely, that was something she and Ryo both excelled at a lot more at than Saiou did.<br/>The evening went on surprisingly quick. Soon enough, it was too late to keep playing and Saiou went to their room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just waking up, Saiou already started thinking of where to find something.<br/>They entered the living room, and went through some of the shelves, searching among papers, and in boxes containing other boxes. By the time Ryo arrived, they were just done placing back all the things they had moved in their archaeology.</p>
<p>« What are you doing ? » Je exclaimed, with the new-found familiarity he could allow between them.</p>
<p>Saiou turned to him, they seemed to have not even noticed he had arrived. They stood up, holding some pieces of paper. From what Ryo could see, it was filled with hand writing and some simple drawings and other incomprehensible things.</p>
<p>« Excuse me, I went on to search for this but I didn’t even ask you if you had any interest in it... »</p>
<p>« Again, what are you talking about. » Ryo was more amused than bothered. Saiou clearly was excited about whatever they had been looking for, and he never saw them like this.</p>
<p>They pulled out one of the game box. It was a big one, as old as any other, but who clearly had been used a lot more. The cover showed something like a planet and spaceships and whatever other sci-fi elements he would have expected.</p>
<p>« This is the game that we surely spent the most time on, » Saiou explained as he opened the box on the dinner table, « I thought you could enjoy it, it resembles chess. »</p>
<p>Truly, the only form of resemblance between chess and this was that there was a checkered board, and some little pieces that were supposed to be put on it. Beside that ? It was completely new territory. Inspecting the side of the box before dealing with the content of it, Ryo noticed something wrong.</p>
<p>« Doesn’t this says we have to be at least four? »</p>
<p>« Following the rules given, yes, » they answered while going through the handwritten paper, « but Edo and I managed to build alternative rules since we were playing together. If I can remember how it works, there shouldn’t be any issue. »</p>
<p>Ryou looked at the little painted spaceships, at Saiou, and at the A4 20 pages of rules, not counting the homemade ones. He understood that he was trapped, and if he wanted to get out of hours of moving little plastic figures and colored blocks on a piece of printed cardboard, he could only escape now. But did he want to ? He didn’t have anything better to do.<br/>He remembered the elite of duel academy loathing those kind of games. He also remembered the one time Fubuki went to try, probably just to bother everyone else, and came back saying it was some quite unique fun.<br/>He then asked Ryou if he would want to play with him someday. He didn’t know what he answered, but sure knew that they never played at all.</p>
<p>The table started filling up with all kinds of things. The board itself was much wider than what Ryo would have assumed, and Saiou had taken out one of the rulebook for him to read. He had settled on the page showing how to prepare the game and decided to put each little piece in place. He wasn’t sure why it went there, but at least he was doing something and could learn some of their name. It would only speed things once Saiou came back from deciphering the actual, and homemade, rules and could explain them in clearer words.<br/>Ryo never had any interest in sci-fi, likely because he didn’t know anything beyond it’s existence, but he had to admit some of the pieces looked very cool. What he assumed was the enemy ones -their symbol was a skull, it wasn’t too hard to guess- had a both metallic and organic feel. Neat. He was also surprised by the detailed painting job.</p>
<p>« Aren’t they supposed to all look the same? » he asked, while studying the colors.</p>
<p>Saiou rose from their reading.</p>
<p>« In the shape, they are. But Edo painted them, alongside all the other uncolored pieces of the other games. »</p>
<p>« Didn’t know he liked painting like that »« He used to like miniature games and painted a lot of them. » Ryo sensed hints of pride in their voice, but it took a sad tone, « he couldn’t play with them though. He didn’t know anyone to play with and I struggled too much, both in the painting and the playing. So he decided to paint only what we played with instead. »</p>
<p>He wasn’t exactly sure what they were referring to. Was there a special kind of game with figurines like this, different than board games ? In all honesty, he was a bit curious.</p>
<p>Once he was done putting everything in place, Saiou stood up and pointed at various elements explaining their uses. Ryo followed it all as best as he could. He thought he wouldn’t have any trouble understanding it all, but between the amount of new elements and Saiou’s not always explicit wording, it wasn’t as easy. It felt a bit more than a challenge and he liked that.<br/>Eventually, they could start playing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i wish i could reference without naming more board games i love.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Coming home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Edo expected to find many, many different scenarios play behind the door of his home. Saiou hadn’t talked to him much that day, and while he tried to convince himself it meant nothing happened, he couldn’t help but worry.</p>
<p>He didn’t need much to convince himself that Saiou was hiding from him something, anything, and all he could do is not listen to his anxiety-fueled imagination.</p>
<p>He expected many things, yet none of them was what he found.</p>
<p>As he took off his coat, shoes, and bag after a week of travel, he couldn’t hear a single sound in the house. Strange, at this time Saiou would usually be preparing dinner.</p>
<p>He went to the main room, to discover Ryou and Saiou sitting at the dinner table, deeply immersed in a game he immediately recognizes.</p>
<p>Though they were too focused to actually hear Edo, Saiou noticed he arrived and stood up to welcome him. He couldn’t even talk that he was met with their smile, full of joy and excitement, that immediately contaminated them. They warmly reunited, while Ryou didn’t even looked up.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>They brushed off the usual, obviously Saiou was doing good, obviously Edo was tired but glad to be home. It was clear they were just as excited to show him what they brought Ryou into than he was to hear about it.</p>
<p>« We only started yesterday, » Saiou explained, « and this should be our fourth game. However I believe the first one shouldn’t be taken into account as he didn’t knew the rules well. »</p>
<p>Edo looked over the tables, on the pieces scattered across the board, the revealed cards on the side, and Saiou’s hand left at their place. Just looking at all this, he felt incredibly nostalgic.</p>
<p>How could missing the past taste so sweet ? He didn’t even remember enough of the rules to understand everything that was going on.</p>
<p>« So, who’s winning? » he asked, looking up at Ryou, knowing the answer very well.</p>
<p>He was way too clearly absorbed in looking at his hand, then at his army, then at his hand again to answer. But Ryou still gave Edo a gaze filled with bothered rage. It was no doubt he was struggling to beat Saiou on a game they knew for years, and even wrote some of the rules of.</p>
<p>« This turn will decide it, » Saiou answered, seeing how the other player wouldn’t let go of his concentration, « I have an assured way of winning, but it depends on his next decision. »</p>
<p>« God, don’t make it worst ! » Ryou nearly yelled across the table. He quickly noticed how unexpected his reaction had been and took a calmer tone before Saiou could even apologize. « I am not letting you win this one. »</p>
<p>« How long have you been there ? »</p>
<p>Saiou looked up at the clock, and by the surprise on their face, Edo understood why he received such few answers to his text. It was past 9 pm.</p>
<p>« Surely closer to 4 hour. We started around the middle of the afternoon and haven’t taken a pause yet. »</p>
<p>« Well good thing you’re done soon. I’m hungry. »</p>
<p>“So you have so little faith in my victory?” Ryou commented.</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>Edo went to the kitchen to take a drink as Ryou finally started moving his pieces. He came back right as he finished his turn.</p>
<p>« Here. How about that. »</p>
<p>He just realized how much fun Ryou was having with this. It wasn’t the most obvious thing, but Edo had learned to see past the most obvious expressions.</p>
<p>On the other side of the table, Saiou too clearly seemed to enjoy the game. Edo just didn’t even want to talk about work anymore, and just appreciate the final turn. It clearly was the last one.</p>
<p>For all Saiou managed to stay focus and calm, he perceived that, the moment Ryou ended his turn, they were prepared to win.</p>
<p>Without a word, they moved their own units. The way they played without an hesitation toward a clear victory after Ryou’s extensive planning would have been humiliating, if it hadn’t been Saiou, and if he didn’t enjoy the challenge so clearly. Soon enough, the game was warped.</p>
<p>« I swear, it’s the last time. » claimed Ryou.</p>
<p>« You played very well, » insisted Saiou, «  And the game will always settle abruptly if there’s only the two of us. With more players, I wouldn’t consider this kind of strategies. »</p>
<p>Edo reached to them, gently holding their arm as a reward for their victory.</p>
<p>« And you won’t pull your usual plays on me, I know them all. », he said playfully.</p>
<p>« Hey, don’t act like you’ll win right away. » Ryou added. « There’s no way I’m losing to you. »</p>
<p>Edo took the challenge right away. He barely said a word before starting to prepare the board for a 3-player game.</p>
<p>Saiou hadn’t forgotten how late it was, and that Edo couldn’t go on a night of playing against them straight out of the airport.</p>
<p>It surely was not the best idea, Edo agreed. So they all decided to stop it for now and eat something. There was no way they moved the game board, so they settled on eating in the living room. The improvised dinner went similarly to the first night they spent all 3 of them. Ryou barely participated in the conversation, probably more interested in thinking about this new game again and again than listening to Edo’s work stories.</p>
<p>Still, the atmosphere was very different. Everyone was so much more relaxed. Everytime Edo saw Saiou gently laughing, in a way that he knew came only when they felt truely safe and calm, he was filled with love and a sense of peace.</p>
<p>
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<p>He didn’t want to leave anytime soon. More than anything, he wanted to stay there, looking at Saiou’s smile, exchanging some banters with Ryou, and playing games.</p>
<p>He hadn’t realized how much he missed that. All of that. He tried to count, remember, but he couldn’t even find the precise last time they played those games.</p>
<p>The more he realized how long it had been, the more his excitement for tomorrow grew. Even more so that he didn’t play with two other people often. It happened scarcely, even more so that Mizuchi didn’t spend that much time at Edo’s place.</p>
<p>« Oh. I have an idea. » Edo interrupted the conversation, and even Ryou listened to him. « Do you think Mizuchi could be free tomorrow ? Since we’re going to play board games, she can comes so we are four. »</p>
<p>Edo could feel how much Saiou loved the idea, and how they tried to limit how much it showed. They still seemed hesitant.</p>
<p>« Don’t you have another event the day after ? It would probably be for the better to rest tomorrow. »</p>
<p>« I didn’t tell you ? » he asked back. Clearly he hadn’t. « It was canceled. Something about the venue messing up their schedule. I don’t think they will find another day anytime soon. »</p>
<p>Saiou looked down, they probably tried to avoid looking as glad as they were. Edo didn’t care though, it was probably for the better that he was forced to spend the week end at home.</p>
<p>« Who’s Mizuchi ? »</p>
<p>Ryou didn’t seem that impressed by Edo’s providential event cancellation. Not that anyone was expecting him to be, he wouldn’t have been impressed if the world ended tomorrow.</p>
<p>« My sister, » explained Saiou, before answering Edo, « she hasn’t said anything was coming up for her lately, so I believe she will be free. I will call her. »</p>
<p>They got up with their phone and went to another room. Edo was now left alone with Ryou and, looking at him, realized how little he would have expected him to get into board games.</p>
<p>« I can’t believe you’re a nerd now. » he said in all hypocritical snark.</p>
<p>He didn’t even catch on the comment.</p>
<p>« Honestly can’t believe either. Yet here we are. »</p>
<p>« You know we won’t spend a whole day on that same game, right ? »</p>
<p>« Yeah I guess. » He looked up at the ceiling, lost in thoughts. « I wasn’t expecting to have fun on something like this. Just having fun feels weird. »</p>
<p>Edo wasn’t sure if Ryou really said this to him, nor how to answer, so he didn’t. Having fun did feel strange, both to see his friend so excited for something that had no holograms, no giant monsters, and surely not electrocution devices, but also to see himself expect the next day like a kid on christmas eve . Saiou too seemed so much happier than in the last few months.</p>
<p>For a moment, his insecurities took the better of him in one thought. <em>How could Ryou make Saiou so joyful in less than a week when his best effort could barely prevent them from being painfully sad ?</em></p>
<p>It was so stupid of him to think this yet, he couldn’t stop. His face probably started reflecting his thoughts and Ryou noticed the change.</p>
<p>« Are you okay? » he asked.</p>
<p>Edo wasn’t sure if he should tell him or not. He didn’t want to express it so directly, he knew it was unfair, pointless, and he surely did not want Saiou to see him like that. At the end of the day, he was more than happy that they could connect with someone new.</p>
<p>« Yeah. I’m glad you and Saiou get along. » he said, way too bitterly.</p>
<p>« Hey, are you jealous ? » The wording was playful, but he sounded bothered.</p>
<p>Edo didn’t answer. He knew he was some kind of right, and hated it. Feeling like this was absurd, the more he looked on his feelings the more he found reasons to despise himself.</p>
<p>« You shouldn’t be, » he continued, in a surprisingly serious tone, « we mostly get along because we have nothing better to do. And it was pretty obvious they wanted to play with you much more than with me. »</p>
<p>He stayed silent, again. This was all so silly of him. Could he even be jealous of someone Saiou had met a week prior, when they were living together ?</p>
<p>He breathed in, trying their best to switch the look on their face before they came back. It sure was in time, they were entering the living room.</p>
<p>« She assured me her day was clear, » Saiou explained, their voice filled with gentle excitement, « she should arrive here by noon, tomorrow. »</p>
<p>They all admitted it would be for the better to sleep early. Ryou didn’t seem to have the same idea of early, though, so Saiou granted him good night in the living room before going to prepare, and Edo joined them soon after.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>When he arrived in the bedroom, he noticed Saiou’s look had changed. They were brushing their hair. Edo would have loved to keep looking at their hand and their hair falling, softly, if he hadn’t noticed how their movement were a bit too slow, a bit too inaccurate.</p>
<p>He sat on his side of the bed, not pulling himself under the cover yet, like he did when he would read a bit. But he didn’t read, he kept looking at Saiou’s back in silence.</p>
<p>He tried to find for the right words. He thought he had time, but they let out their words first, with a tone sad enough it broke Edo’s heart before he could process their meaning.</p>
<p>« Edo… Forgive me... »</p>
<p>They had stopped brushing their hair. He reached for their shoulder, still unable to put anything into words. He wondered if they were crying, and hated that he wondered when Saiou turned to face him and he could see the tears in their eyes. They looked down, as unable to hold his gaze as he was to answer them.</p>
<p>« I am happy, I genuinely am, » he started, and Edo almost could trust it, « yet, I can’t help but be scared thinking about tomorrow and the days to come. I do not know why, I can’t find any reason. »</p>
<p>Edo felt it, deeply, that Saiou’s words were only the surface of what they could feel. He grew used to worry about them, like a constant lingering feeling he had to live with. But seeing their sadness in front, it wasn’t anything he could handle easily.</p>
<p>He barely looked at their slightly shaking hand holding the bed sheets, and still reached for it. He wasn’t sure what to say, nor what to do. He tended to avoid giving Saiou physical comfort when they could let them know if he shouldn’t. Right now, he was far from sure they could, so he relied on what had the lowest chance of making things worst.</p>
<p>« It’s absurd, isn’t it? » they added, looking up at Edo again.</p>
<p>He knew what they meant, though no words could precisely tell it. He didn’t wish he could find them either. He slowly raised his arm, making sure, to spot any indication that Saiou didn’t want to be held, and silently asking them when their gaze met for a moment. It was fine.</p>
<p>So Edo closed his arms on Saiou. He appreciated his position on the bed for how it allowed him to stand just enough over them. That way, he could fully cover them in his embrace. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but he didn’t mind. He felt their arm holding him as well, both pressing him and letting go.</p>
<p>« I know it’s scary, » Edo let out, unable to handle so much silence, « new things. »</p>
<p>He thought about all the time of changed he had known in his life. He grew to think he was decently good at dealing with suddenly different situation. Maybe he was only fooling himself, and just became excellent at ignoring his own terror.</p>
<p>It seemed obvious to him, that new things were scary. Yet he had trouble understanding how Saiou didn’t. As far as he knew, and that was already quite a long shot, they had their own share of disruption in their life. Maybe, every time, the novelty of the situation was nothing next to the danger or relief that it brought.</p>
<p>Eventually, Edo felt like he could take a warmer tone. He wasn’t the best at it, surely, but he had had his training.</p>
<p>« But it will be fine. » He slightly removed himself from Saiou’s embrace to look into their eyes. « I’ll make sure it will be. »</p>
<p>He surely wanted to, more than anything else. He wasn’t sure how exactly, but he felt like they needed him to be a little bit confident for now. It’s not like he could even try to hide his weaknesses to Saiou, he knew how well they could read through him. So he would rather have them know he wasn’t so weak.</p>
<p>Eventually, they looked at him as well. Edo felt that they were a little less shaking, a little less on the verge of crying, just enough that he released a bit of the part of their arm that he was holding.</p>
<p>« I surely shouldn’t ask you in this position, » they started, « not in such a pitiful state. »</p>
<p>« No, you can ! » Edo insisted, « I will answer honestly, I promise. »</p>
<p>He didn’t even catch the irony, of promising to answer honestly while it was exactly what he had asked Saiou to do a bit more than a week ago. They took a little time to answer, surely picking their word, giving enough time for Edo’s imagination to run into millions of possibilities.</p>
<p>« Could you… If it isn’t any kind of issue for you, stay here for some more time ? I don’t think working so much will do good for you and... »</p>
<p>They didn’t finish, and Edo’s surprised couldn’t fill the silence that followed. The question took him aback. Or rather, more than the question, how hesitant Saiou clearly had been in wanting to ask him. It felt like a failure, that they wouldn’t be able to ask him something as simple that. That the first reason they gave was his own good when they were the one recovering.</p>
<p>Truth is, maybe it was exactly because he worked so much that Saiou grew to feel like that. He assumed they shouldn’t be together all the time to stay close but, maybe they needed to be. Just a little, just for some time.</p>
<p>« You’re right, I probably shouldn’t be working so much, » he finally answered, « and it’s not as fun when you’re not there anyway. »</p>
<p>Edo felt the tension in Saiou’s grip release. They were thinly smiling, surely of relief more than anything else, but it was enough for Edo.</p>
<p>« You know what ? I’ll try to take whatever time off I can. » He added in a much lighter tone. « When you’ll be fully recovered, we’ll see if you can work with me again. If you want, of course. »</p>
<p>« You’ll surely have a much better management with someone else, I don’t think I could bring much without my powers... »</p>
<p>« We’ll see that too, but I’m sure you’ll do very good. »</p>
<p>They stayed just like this, still holding each other, and Edo wondered what exactly they could be thinking about. He wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, he felt like it was much better than anything else that crossed their mind this whole evening.</p>
<p>He realized the whole absurdity of the situation. They both were here, nearly crying in each other’s arms, because they felt they weren’t good enough for each other, when the next day they would do something they both loved.</p>
<p>« Saiou. » They looked at him, and Edo had never been more sure of how he felt and the truth of what he’ll say. « I love you. »</p>
<p>« I love you too. »</p>
<p>Their smile was settling and now Edo knew it was alright. It was too late for words anyway, they were both exhausted.</p>
<p>He just gave himself a few minutes of looking at them, their gentle expression as they tied their hair for the night. He couldn’t believe how beautiful every single one of their movements were, the way their finger ran among their so soft hair, how their gorgeous eyes followed these actions until they rose again and they looked at him, asking silently if he wanted to sleep now.</p>
<p>If given the opportunity, Edo would just yell for how much he loved them. But it was late, too late, and he had to close his eyes for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In writing Edo's love toward Saiou, there's a lot of my own love toward them but also toward my best friends. I love them all very much. That's probably why they are not exactly in a romantic relationship.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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